


Big men can cuddle

by TattoOS



Category: Spenser Confidential (2020)
Genre: Cuddles, Cuties, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, M/M, Sharing a Room
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 09:34:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28349247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TattoOS/pseuds/TattoOS
Summary: Hawk and Spenser rest in a motel after having travelled across America. Hawk comforts Spenser when he mourns the loss of Pearl.
Relationships: Hawk/Spenser, Hawk/Spenser (Spenser)
Kudos: 3





	Big men can cuddle

With Chief Foley’s name cleared after a long and very tiring showdown in the fire station, Hawk and Spenser decided to get away from Boston for a while. Henry decided he wanted to stay and look after his boxing ring, and Cissy needed to focus on her business, so it was just the two men on the road. 

Spenser had finally passed his HGV license and Hawk had a dream of travelling the country to attend the boxing events in the different states. They had a plan, they would zigzag up and down the states slowly making their way from east to west until they ended up in Arizona where they would rest for a little while. Spenser still had plans of settling down and looking over the Arizona desert with nothing but rocks and cacti for a view. 

They took Pearl with them of course, but she was getting older and was slowing down even more. They buried her at the base of the Rockies when she went to sleep for the last time. The journey that had once been filled with hip-hop music and laughter was then silent as they mourned her loss. When they finally reached Arizona and Hawk had finished his matches, he decided to stay and watch over Spenser for a while. The older man was still a little too raw from the loss of his dog to be left in the desert alone. 

Using the money Spenser had earned driving the Semi and Hawk had won from the fights, they settled in a motel as they waited for the deal to go through on a desert cabin Spenser set his heart on. 

Hawk didn’t know what he could do to help Spenser. He had been quiet ever since the Rocky Mountains, not saying much unless he was asked a question and it was killing Hawk inside. He just wanted Spenser to smile again. They had been getting along great throughout the whole of the journey east of the Great Plains and Hawk had even started dreaming of a life waking up next to Spenser but the loss of Pearl seemed to have shattered that possibility. 

Spenser’s eyes didn’t have the sparkle of a smile anymore. He would go for long walks each evening and every time he would come back to the motel room with a slight glisten in his eyes where he had been keeping tears from falling. 

The nights were the worst for Hawk though, he would watch Spenser as the man lay on his back in bed, hands behind his head and eyes staring holes the ceiling until he could feel his own eyes start to droop. 

About a week in to living in the motel room, Hawk woke to the sounds of muffled sobs. Spenser was on his back like every night but he had his pillow pressed against his face and Hawk could make out the shakes that ran through the man’s body as he cried. 

It broke his heart. 

This man needed some comfort and Hawk didn’t know how to give it. He had never been that good with understanding and controlling his own emotions let alone anyone else’s. He watched Spenser for just a few seconds more before he couldn’t take it any longer. 

“I’m here, you know… just in case, in case you need a hug or something.” Hawk whispered into the dimly lit room. The man in the other bed froze and didn’t make another sound, Hawk could tell he was holding his breath. “It’s ok, Spenser. You just say the word and I’ll come over and cuddle you.” 

He heard the other man let out a controlled breath but he knew Spenser was on the edge of a breakdown. The pillow was lifted from his face and Hawk could see the faint tear lines on the other man’s face from across the room. 

Spenser still didn’t make a sound and watched the ceiling instead. 

“Look at me.” Hawk whispered, watching the other man intently. His mind melted when Spenser slowly turned his head and glanced at his with a puffy face and red eyes. “Do you need a hug?” 

Spenser didn’t say word, he continued to look at Hawk with teary eyes until he finally nodded slightly. 

Hawk got up slowly and shuffled towards the other bed. He lifted up the duvet and slipped underneath, pulling Spenser into his arms and holding him tightly. The other man didn’t move, he was frozen in place, but when he heard Hawk whisper a gentle “it’s okay, I got you” in his ear, Spenser finally broke. 

Fresh sobs wracked his body and he curled up to the warm mass that encompassed him. Hawk held him tighter and kept whispering words of comfort to his friend as the other man sobbed in his arms. 

The familiar scent of Hawk, the warmth of his body and the gentle whispers finally managed to calm Spenser down and his breath started to even out again. 

“Thank you.” He muttered as his face was pressed up into Hawk’s neck. 

“No worries. Anytime. “ Hawk whispered back. “Do you want me to stay or…?” He trailed off and closed his eyes, he knew that Spenser would probably want the bed to himself as he slept, but Hawk wanted to stay with the other man wrapped up safe in his arms. 

“… Could you, erm… do you mind staying? Just a little while longer.” The voice was apprehensive and shaky but it was music to Hawk’s ears. 

“Of course, I’ll stay as long as you want.” Hawk pulled his arms around the other man tighter and rested his chin on Spenser’s forehead. He heard Spenser sigh in what sounded like relief, and he tried to slow down his own heartbeat so that Spenser would have a baseline to match his own heart to. 

About half an hour later, Hawk felt Spenser relax and his breath even out so he glanced down and smiled at the sight of Spenser sleeping against his chest. He looked so peaceful. Another 15 minutes or so and Hawk found himself drifting off to sleep as well. 

When he woke, the first thing he realised was the warm body pressed against his own and the sense of someone watching him. He peaked his eyes open and then groaned when the bight sunshine shone through the window. A soft chuckle came from nearby and the duvet cover was pulled over his head to protect from the sun. 

He opened his eyes again and saw Spenser watching him with a small smile. 

“Morning.” Hawk grunted. “Sleep well?” 

The smile on Spenser’s face grew and he nodded.

“I slept better then I have in a long time. Thank you.” 

Hawk smiled but then suddenly realised he was still holding Spenser tightly to his chest. He released the other man and shifted away. 

“Yes, well… Erm, I need to piss. So, I’m… err. Yep, bathroom.” He hunted nervously, peeling the covers away from his face and frowning at the bright sunshine again. It was cold when he rolled out of bed and made his escape to the bathroom. He washed his face with cold water and stared at himself in the mirror. 

“Get yourself together, Hawk” He whispered furiously at himself before turning to lift the toilet lid up to relieve himself. 

By the time he came back out the bathroom, Spenser was sitting up in bed and staring out the window. The sunshine lighting up his bare chest and muscles but avoiding his face. He almost looked angelic. 

His head turned and smiled at Hawk, causing the other man to realise he was staring and shifted his gaze to the floor. 

“You done in there? I kinda need to piss too.” 

“Yeah, of course.” Hawk moved out of the way of the bathroom door and moved over to his bed. He felt like he was in a daze, maybe it was the shock of how well he slept that night, or the slowly awning realisation that he had cuddled Spenser all night. He didn’t dare think about the fact that the good nights sleep was most likely due to the cuddling. He was bought out of his daze when he heard the toilet flush and the bathroom door opened again. 

“Have you got any, er, any plans for the day?” Hawk asked awkwardly. Spenser moved to sit on his own bed.

“Nah, not really. Looks like it’s going to be a nice day so I might pop over to the cabin and see if I can rush the process along so I can get painting. You got plans?” Spenser asked. 

Hawk shook his head and stood up, standing next to his suitcase. “Nah, not really. I was planning to go for a run this morning but I think it’s already too hot for that.” He wasn’t going to mention that he had been so comfortable sharing a bed with Spenser that he slept in, but Spenser seemed to read his mind. 

“Yeah, sorry about that. I would have woke you up earlier but you seemed like you needed the sleep.” Spenser looked sheepish. 

“What time did you wake up?” Hawk asked curiously. He kind of hoped that Spenser had been smiling at him for a while but also that would have been awkward because Hawk had basically kept Spenser trapped in his arms all night and most of the morning. 

“Erm, I didn’t… It wasn’t… I didn’t wake up much before you.” Hawk turned to look at Spenser and was surprised to see a light blush on the other man’s chest and neck. 

“Well that’s good I guess, means I didn’t keep you captive in my arms for too long.” Hawk muttered quietly but just loud enough for Spenser to hear. 

“Eh, it was ok… super comfy actually. I needed a good sleep.” Spenser said with a grin as he stood up and walked over to his own bag of clothes to pull a t-shirt over his head. 

Hawk pretended not to watch as the t-shirt was pulled down over the other man’s muscles, and busied his hands searching for what to wear for the day. 

“Hey Hawk, I heard some old people chatting about a new gym that is opening up here in a few weeks. Could be a good place to check out, they may be hiring.” 

Hawk chuckled and focused on his suitcase. 

“I’d have thought you would be sick of me by now and recommending I head back to Boston not looking for jobs here.” He said with a self-depreciating laugh. When he didn’t get a laugh back in return, he looked up to find Spenser watching him in confusion. 

“Why would I be sick of you?” 

“Erm, you know, well… I mean, it’s not like I’ve been particularly helpful or anything since the fights finished.” 

“Hawk, mate… you’re my best friend. And I love… I love having you around.” Spenser was watching him with an intense look in his eyes as he spoke, and Hawk had to pretend he didn’t die a little inside when the sentence finished the way it did and not the way he yearned for it to finish. 

He wanted to tell Spenser how much he meant to him too but instead he just stood there watching Spenser back for several awkward seconds. 

“Do you…? Are you…? Ermmm. You sure you want me to stay?” Hawk asked shifting his eyes back to the suitcase. He heard Spenser stand up and walk towards him. 

“Yeah of course- Hey Hawk, look at me” Spenser gently touched the other man’s chin and turned his head so Hawk had no where else to look. “Hawk, I want you to stay. I’m sorry I haven’t really been myself lately, what with… with, er, everything that happened. But you have been great throughout and I haven’t told you how much I appreciate you being here with me now and I want…” Spenser trailed off. His eyes were focused on some point on Hawk’s face that wasn’t his eyes, and Hawk, well Hawk was holding his breath. In both hope and anticipation. 

He subconsciously licked his lips and that seemed to make Spenser’s eyes flick back up to Hawk’s as he remembered he was in the middle of saying something. 

“I want to wake up like that again.” Spenser whispered. “Safe and happy. I want that…. I want you.” 

Hawk let out a sigh of relief. 

“Well thank fuck for that.” He growled as he pulled the older man closer and slotted his lips against Spenser’s. 

He felt the rumble of a chuckle flow through Spenser as he wrapped his arms around the smaller man’s waist and hair, his fingers curling up in the soft strands of hair. Spenser’s hand moved from his chin to cup the left side of his face and a second hand came up to cup the other side. 

They both felt safe and they both felt happy.

**Author's Note:**

> I from the U.K so sorry if I got any terms or anything wrong about American culture, I don't have a lot of knowledge about trucks or motels. 
> 
> Also I wrote it late at night and couldn't be bothered to proof-read it before submitting it so apologies for any spelling for grammar mistakes. 
> 
> Hope you liked it. :)


End file.
